who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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