sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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