You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm too high and old for this...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
