Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
