So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
