Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
