I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
