No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
