Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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