My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
