Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize