well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think I won the penis lottery.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
