is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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