just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
