I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
