I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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