So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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