Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
