i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
