Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
