after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize