I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
In America we eat man semen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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