Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
