My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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