Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
