I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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