I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
