Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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