do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
