all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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