i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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