Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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