ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
