ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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