Less talking, more tequila
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
