If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
