haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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