Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
