i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
