Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
a search helicopter?!
Are my feet made of real feet?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Randomize
