I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
