quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
