my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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