Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just google imaged poop.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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