I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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