Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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