I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
