is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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