She is in my trunk
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
