new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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