HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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