Jerry, you need to find god
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
