We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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