Your face is a jimmy john
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
