Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
