i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
