i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
