Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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