but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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