Having a random hookup so left but love u
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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