some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
