I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
