Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Randomize
