Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
