I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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