you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
