What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
