I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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