I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize