Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
